We pray everyday for our new family members and people ask me daily if there is any new 'news'. There is no news but I will tell you what. . . God has been teaching me MANY lessons throughout this process and our family has seriously been blessed by others: Friends have given me cards of encouragement, texts, emails and Facebook posts that they are praying for us. One of my besties put together a prayer calendar for October where she recruited a handful of our local friends to pray for us every day in October. (So I had a calendar that listed who was praying for us each and every day..... is that not amazing!?) Friends and family members have sent me Scripture, quotes and devotionals with uplifting words. Over time, our hearts and the hearts of our family and friends have grown tender towards these children we still don't know.
The most recent (blessing) came earlier this week from our aunt (technically Ryan's aunt but she's been my aunt now for 15 years too :) ). It's from the online devotional "Shereadstruth". (Please click here to read the entire post - it's encouraging, especially if you are in a season of waiting).
"The waiting isn't the hardest part, it's the growing part. And the Gardener can't be rushed in this season. He won't be rushed in this season. . . While we are waiting, we are changing - He's changing us in the waiting."
Everything within me screams, "I DON'T WANT TO WAIT ANYMORE!!" I'm tired of waiting. My heart and mind are weary from waiting. It's difficult to anticipate something so huge and life changing that doesn't have an end date. Every day goes by and we yearn to learn about these little people who will be grafted into our family. . . our future children.
However, I know God has a greater plan. I for sure don't understand all of it, but I believe and trust Him that He knows what He's doing. This waiting has forced me to lean into Him in new ways and depend on him in my moments of weakness. It has been a messy journey - just ask all of my friends and family who have been so patient with me as I fail regularly. . . sometimes daily, at trusting in His plan.
I want to know.
I don't want to wait.
I complain.
I cry out, "When?!"
Thankfully, even through my consistent human failings and weakness, I'm astounded by His love, patience and gentle teaching and leading me - guiding me in new ways to depend on Him and trust Him in all things. As I seek Him more, His presence and love for me has become more tangible.
I'm not saying I want to continue to wait (a phone call would be super awesome, any day :) ) but I have realized that if we hadn't journeyed through these months of waiting, I would not have experienced all the blessings of encouragement, support and love from so many people.
For this, I am so grateful.
"Come near to God and he will come near to you." James 4:8
