A Day of Waiting. . .

We heard some REALLY good news on Friday!  Thankfully, our paperwork made it to the regional office and the Regional Head asked her assistant to type up the approval. . . and she said she would sign it this week!  We are hoping she will sign it today so we can then be submitted to court this week.

This news was so encouraging to us, but we will feel 100% excited once we hear she has actually signed it.  After so many months of waiting for this one thing, we are eagerly waiting for it to be done.

We also were blessed on Friday to get a couple more photos of the kids.  It is so precious to see their faces again!  Words cannot describe how anxious we are to be able to wrap our arms around both of them!

Hoping to have a positive update SOON.

Not What We Expected

I usually love the last day of the year - it's enjoyable to look back and reflect on what's happened over the last 365 days and anticipate what the New Year might bring.  But this year is different for me.  My heart is heavy and weighed down by still not knowing about our kids.

This past week there have been rumors going around about Ethiopia closing adoptions.  Although after a couple of days and clarification, it seems like that's not the case for the immediate future, it still brings such uncertainty to the entire process.  As you can imagine, hearing things like this is devastating - waiting all this time to grow our family through adoption only to find out that it could possibly be over at any minute.  It was an extremely unsettling, nerve wracking, anxiety-filled few days.  (And I thought waiting for a referral was difficult.  Waiting to find out if a referral might even happen is 50 times worse.)

Additionally, as I've said before, we never dreamed it would take this long.  It's been a painful journey of trying to be patient and wait for God's timing, when we've felt ready for 1 1/2 years now.  Originally, we hoped to be home with our kids by now or packing for our second trip to bring them home.  Being at the end of 2013 and still waiting was not what we anticipated. 

We do have a lot to be thankful for . . . and I'm not forgetting all those things.  I am truly grateful for a multitude of God's blessings in our lives.   I just feel like my heart is so overwhelmingly weary and aching to know our children.

Please continue to pray for all those children who need families and for us as we continue to wait for ours.  

In The Waiting

We are now number 3 on our waiting list.  Yahooo for moving up one spot!!!  At this point, to be honest though, the list doesn't matter to me anymore.  We have been on it longer than I had anticipated  and I am now just anxiously awaiting the phone call that will change our lives forever!

We pray everyday for our new family members and people ask me daily if there is any new 'news'.  There is no news but I will tell you what. . . God has been teaching me MANY lessons throughout this process and our family has seriously been blessed by others:  Friends have given me cards of encouragement, texts, emails and Facebook posts that they are praying for us.  One of my besties put together a prayer calendar for October where she recruited a handful of our local friends to pray for us every day in October.  (So I had a calendar that listed who was praying for us each and every day..... is that not amazing!?)  Friends and family members have sent me Scripture, quotes and devotionals with uplifting words.  Over time, our hearts and the hearts of our family and friends have grown tender towards these children we still don't know.

The most recent (blessing) came earlier this week from our aunt (technically Ryan's aunt but she's been my aunt now for 15 years too :) ).  It's from the online devotional "Shereadstruth".  (Please click here to read the entire post - it's encouraging, especially if you are in a season of waiting).

"The waiting isn't the hardest part, it's the growing part.  And the Gardener can't be rushed in this season.  He won't be rushed in this season. . . While we are waiting, we are changing - He's changing us in the waiting."

Everything within me screams, "I DON'T WANT TO WAIT ANYMORE!!"  I'm tired of waiting.  My heart and mind are weary from waiting.   It's difficult to anticipate something so huge and life changing that doesn't have an end date.  Every day goes by and we yearn to learn about these little people who will be grafted into our family. . . our future children.

However, I know God has a greater plan.  I for sure don't understand all of it, but I believe and trust Him that He knows what He's doing.  This waiting has forced me to lean into Him in new ways and depend on him in my moments of weakness.  It has been a messy journey - just ask all of my friends and family who have been so patient with me as I fail regularly. . . sometimes daily, at trusting in His plan.

I want to know.
I don't want to wait.
I complain.
I cry out, "When?!"

Thankfully, even through my consistent human failings and weakness, I'm astounded by His love, patience and gentle teaching and leading me - guiding me in new ways to depend on Him and trust Him in all things.  As I seek Him more, His presence and love for me has become more tangible.  

I'm not saying I want to continue to wait (a phone call would be super awesome, any day :) ) but I have realized that if we hadn't journeyed through these months of waiting, I would not have experienced all the blessings of encouragement, support and love from so many people.

For this, I am so grateful.

"Come near to God and he will come near to you."  James 4:8

June Update (a little late)

As we have moved forward into the heat of summer, our number on the waiting list has stayed the same.  It's a double edged sword, I've learned, as you get near the top: on the positive side, we are in single digits in the top 10.  Since we began at #27 eleven months ago, we have made some progress and #8 feels encouraging.  On the downside though, a month (or a few) can go by with no movement and people waiting for just one child can get referred AFTER us....while we stay at the same number.  (Because we are waiting for two children, our wait has been longer than others.)

I had a friend from church last week, baby son in her arms, stop me to ask if I would photograph her son.  As we were chatting, she said she remembered when she and her husband first announced she was pregnant, Ryan and I also announced we were adopting.

And there she stood, cuddling her adorable, 7 MONTH OLD baby.

And there I stood.  

No little one in my arms.  

No toddler tugging on my dress or crawling around my feet.

She was very empathetic as she talked with me about the difficulty of waiting so long for something.  The reason it is so difficult is because its such an unknown time frame.  Our agency does its best to give us estimates of how long the process takes, but not having an actual end date has been tough.

There is no due date.  

There is no inducing two weeks-later plan either.

It's totally unknown.  

Ever since we began praying about adopting, our hearts have grown to love these family members we don't yet know.  As we prepare our older two for the changes, we discuss and imagine what life will be like everyday with 'the littles'.  Who will take them in the hall if they are crying during church?  Where will they sit at the dinner table?  Who will sit next to whom in the car?  We basically think about them being with us and anticipate their arrival into our family every day.  

Every. Single. Day.

So as you can imagine, praying, dreaming, and longing for these little people and not knowing when they are coming is difficult!!

So as I wait for the God's perfect timing, I am brought to my knees for several requests:

- that God works in my heart to wait patiently and with a grateful heart.  It's easy to feel discouraged, focusing on what we don't yet know.  I want to keep my mind on all of the blessings - they are numerous!!

- that He has a hand of comfort on our little ones.  My heart already breaks for the pain and loss they are experiencing.

- that God gives our family of four precious moments together before we become a family of six

Thanks for listening and thank you even more for praying for our family!

A Quiet Pain. . .

It's been four months now since we've been on the wait list and seven months since we began the formal adoption process.  As the wait goes on, God continues to work a miracle in our hearts.    We imagine these little ones who will be joining our family...wondering if they are born yet...if they are safe....what they are going through.  And love grows inside us for these unknown littles.  By His grace, HE prepares our hearts for them.    

I've felt especially emotional lately, an achy heart, so to speak.  I couldn't quite put my finger on exactly what was going on.   *Teresa, who I met via email when researching agencies, has become a friend and mentor to me (both in homeschooling and adoption).  She explained it beautifully in her blog today, giving words to how it feels to be waiting.  (She's describing how she would walk around a field and pray for her child as they waited during the adoption process.)

"Who would this little one be? A girl, mostly likely. What would she look like? What would her story be? How would our hearts mesh together? Lap after lap I would cry out to God from the secret pain in my heart–the pain of loving and wondering and carrying her unknown heartaches and trouble. My life carried on as usual, but somewhere out there a little one would be hurting… she would become my little one. I had nothing to show for it, just a quiet ever-present pain."

Continuing to pray for His comfort and patience as we wait. . .

*Teresa and her husband planned on adopting one girl, and brought home three year old twins!  If you'd like to check out her blog and their life together, click here.